Deneme 1

I don’t know why, I just feel like I shouldn’t post anything here but my poems. I feel like anything less than a poem is not worth sharing or is not worth taking space in my blog. I feel as though whatever I write, it just won’t have a literary context. This is my attempt to overcome my fear of not being able to produce a literary piece and my trial for expressing my feelings in colloquial and conversational terms.

I was talking to my friend P. the other day. We discussed how we lived our life and found out really interesting results. As she put it very eloquently: “(we were) living the globally migrant life imperatively on fast forward, rushing through the days, places and people.”

When you change your residential location quite often, you come across many difficulties. Yes, it’s a wonderful experience to get to know lots of different people with diverse backgrounds, yes, it’s breathtaking to learn to live in a different setting, to familiarize with different cultures and to integrate those new aspects you’ve learned into your own perspective of life. But… There is always a but… While going through this “transitioning phase” (that’s what I call it) in a hurry, you miss so many other things such as catching up with your own soul!

You might think that you are now used to this fast-forward life style. Let’s say, you are. How about others? People you encounter will not understand your rush and they won’t join you in this run. They have their own settled lives. They like to take their time, sit back and enjoy the ride. They do not want to run to some place which “won’t be found betimes”[i] anyway! Why should they? Why are you?

I know why I have been running at least. It’s the transitioning phase. I was so scared of the emptiness of each day that passed by. I was so bored out of my mind, I was afraid of living my life without any mind-blowing experience, or in other words in a routine. I was hungry for… for a lot of different things. And most importantly, I was impatient. That’s why I tried to push myself to my limits. And I (almost) did. (I got to admit there is still some room left). Like an amish kid turning on 16 and leaving for the rumspringa, I was hectic yet innocent at the beginning. And at the end of my own rumspringa, I realized I’m fed up with “meeting and passing”[ii]. Instead of running back home scared, I decided to face the facts and find my place in this globally migrant living. I decided to settle down and try to end the phase of transitioning as much as I can. I decided to slow down the flow of my life and learn to do things because I want to, not because of any time restraints or any fear from whatsoever. I decided to accept the consequences before throwing myself into a new journey. If I can’t, I decided to stay back and wait for another journey to lure me in.

Yes, as much as it sounds impossible, I’m going to take things easy. And I recommend those of you who are on the same page with me just to take your time. If something is supposed to happen, it will. You can make things happen right away by rushing, but not the way you want them to be. I know, it’s hard to accomplish but I also know for a fact that you actually can if you really want it!

Beril
05/10/09

P.S.:I think I'm going to date things by the European standards from now on.. (e.g. day/month/year).

[i] Road Trippin by Beril. See http://berilika.blogspot.com/2009/09/road-trippin.html
[ii] “Meeting and Passing” by Robert Frost. See http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/robertfrost/12079#