User’s manual to Mind

Meishin, the Mind Cage by Thomas Gianni

Introduction to Mind
Plentiful and miscellaneous,
Gifted and perilous
Mind is powerful and glorious
Read through this user’s manual
And you might learn “e-How to” mind.

Section I: Analyzing mind
The smell of cherry blossoms
Generates the sense of admiration
Only then when its beauty
Is analyzed by the studious mind.

Section II: Learning mind
Constant sensory information
Processed by somatotopic regions
Takes its place in hippocampus
To be used, reformed, reused.

Section III: Dreaming mind
Never ending dreams are a way
Of making sense of what one has learnt;
What one saw today becomes a spot
That could be a butterfly or a moth.

Section IV: Loving mind
His pheromones, her chemoreceptors
Are only the beginning to the wildest dreams;
It triggers stirring and passionate love
That seems to guide poor judgment of heart.

Section V: Creative mind
Stimulated, curious, restless mind
And touched by the angel of love
Seemingly goes beyond the limits
But only feeds off of unknown.

Section VI: Amnesiac mind
Good things won’t last long;
Mind living on edge will lose;
Unrecovered data is a sign;
Some things are better left alone.

Section VII: Melancholic mind
Antagonist to the tears of laugh,
Its bitterness is as sweet as love;
A state between dream and knight
Tears you apart with careless joy.

Section VIII: Under the influence mind
Amplification of joy or sadness
Comes with the flow of an unbalanced madness;
The best way to misrepresent one’s intention’s
Under the influence of lost self-control.

Section IX: Obsessive mind
Merely one word, one feeling, one object
Becomes one’s reality in the twisted mind,
Gradually desensitizing, becoming oblivious
To the possessiveness of a growing doubt.

Section X: Angry mind
The limits expand under strong emotions;
One’s capabilities are now one’s abilities.
Responding to fight rather than flight,
One destroys the OuT-tHERe minds.

Section XI: Destructive mind
Punching walls or smashing windows
Will not let it out; it’s trapped in the mind.
Cannibalistic, vicious and despaired cycle
Needs a second shoulder to break down.

Section XII: Sick mind
Talented bare hands on a collar, choking with bliss;
Balls of eyes, reddened, popping out of their socket;
The muffled voice of a half gulp and stray breath
Followed by death; all minds combine with a brutal zest.

Endnote to Mind
A balance is the key to proper function;
Good won’t exist without the awful.
Your weaknesses don’t tell who you are;
They shift the balance of “your” mind.
Though, you can always change your mind
As long as you care and say: “ever mind”.

Beril
17/6/10-01/8/10

Playkid'ding

To my Jaz

They ask him what he wants
And how he knows that he does.
They ask him how to get
And how he can then forget.

Her answer is very simple:
She wouldn’t be playing around
If she knew what she wanted.
She wouldn’t be fooling around
If she knew what they wanted.

His solution is effortless:
Go for the most obvious!
It's the rule of 3R's:
Renew, reuse, recycle!

Playkid'ding is in her nature
Messing around she has her fun
She wants them all, she gets them all
Because none makes up to one.

Beril
24/02/10

Explanation: The alternation between he and she in each stanza is to point out that the pronoun of the poem is a neutral one; it is refering to both genders. Unfortunately, the third person singular pronoun in english is gender-biased and one solution to overcome this issue is the use of both he and she alternatively.

The 14th

It’s 14:14 on the 14th
One month left
to mandatory celebration,
and also three.

To cry secretly,
take your tears with you,
hide behind your fears
and ask:
Is it worth it?

To fool yourself,
take your words with you,
hide behind your work
and ask:
Well, did it work?

It’s 14:44 on the 14th
One month left
to necessary confrontation
and also three.

To laugh sincerely,
let your giggles out,
reveal your fervent desires
and reply:
I trust you.

To face yourself,
let your grief out,
reveal your devoted heart,
and reply:
I miss you.

Time is over.
It’s 15:15.
one month less
or three months more
does it matter?
No.

Beril
14/01/10

Toxic Inspiration

Blurred vision, tingling ears, impaired decisions
All pointed to the known fact:
the toxin was mixed within her blood.

Complicated dilemmas now made sense
as she could see the world as it is
She could even solve greatest enigmas
if she truly put her mind to it.

She noticed her growing famine,
her inevitable need for couple fingers
stroking her hair, touching her cheeks
followed by a kiss to her forehead
by a pair of clement and loving lips.

A warm wave swept her torrid body
A writhing ache residing in her stomach
sank between her ravenous legs,
her bladder filled up with noxious fluids
made pressure aggravating her craving
She asked herself again and again
How much did she want to dance?

She did not have the full control
not over her actions,
not over her desires
She was afraid of that wicked cell phone,
which was calling her to reach and regret
but she had a wish for a coming day
that she did not spend a minute near hell
nor in interrogation, nor in infliction.

That’s how she started typing
she believed she might be controlling
her yearnings by symbolizing, by confessing.
That’s how she started typing
to put a leash on her aspirations
and to make use of her demanding toxins.

Now the poem seems to be over
what’s next?
What will protect
her from entering the torment?
Needless to say:
Law and order with boiled chestnuts!

Beril
06/01/10

Transition

It is close by
your side and has been
with you all along,
in two thousand and nine.

It is close by
A small scalar change
a nine to a ten.
One step forward again.

It’ll be a big change
that you have to believe in
the solution to everything
when you can’t deal with present,
jump into your future,
A nine to a ten
Take a step forward, again.

It is a journey you take
no luggage for your sake
Just the naked truth per se
and you,
leave all behind
you worked for so hard
All is now two thousand and
when you step from nine to and ten.

Beril
24/12/09

Silent Path

My path is the cosine and sine
“Meeting and Passing”^{1 2}
Over and around
Maximum isn’t durable
Falling fast down
I hit the bottom,
Remember third law? ³
I upsurge again,
Bottom-up, Top-down
Over and around.

My thoughts were screaming so loud
I wasn’t able to purely listen
I was so full of myself,
So busy to do what I wanted
I was late to realize
I needed a stop, stop the affliction
Then, I hit the bottom heads-down
Silence hit back a second too hard
Its impact turned my mind golden
Game was over, but I was still around.

Observing feels like looking into the mirror
For days I scrutinized,
Watched my reflection fool around
For days I strived
Against to solve my conundrum.
Then, yet again I hit the bottom
Thanks to being conscious
This one was heads-up
Thanks to my conscious
I was now beware of tug o’war
I was now aware,
It was constant.

I’m now rising
Just to fall back once more
Oh, it is a tug o’war
Lasting forever,
Over and again.
Oh, it is cosine and sine
Taking every second,
Over and around.

Beril 12/21/09

[1]Robert Frost. “Meeting and Passing”.
[2]See Deneme 1.
[3]Isaac Newton's third law of laws of motion.

Deneme 1

I don’t know why, I just feel like I shouldn’t post anything here but my poems. I feel like anything less than a poem is not worth sharing or is not worth taking space in my blog. I feel as though whatever I write, it just won’t have a literary context. This is my attempt to overcome my fear of not being able to produce a literary piece and my trial for expressing my feelings in colloquial and conversational terms.

I was talking to my friend P. the other day. We discussed how we lived our life and found out really interesting results. As she put it very eloquently: “(we were) living the globally migrant life imperatively on fast forward, rushing through the days, places and people.”

When you change your residential location quite often, you come across many difficulties. Yes, it’s a wonderful experience to get to know lots of different people with diverse backgrounds, yes, it’s breathtaking to learn to live in a different setting, to familiarize with different cultures and to integrate those new aspects you’ve learned into your own perspective of life. But… There is always a but… While going through this “transitioning phase” (that’s what I call it) in a hurry, you miss so many other things such as catching up with your own soul!

You might think that you are now used to this fast-forward life style. Let’s say, you are. How about others? People you encounter will not understand your rush and they won’t join you in this run. They have their own settled lives. They like to take their time, sit back and enjoy the ride. They do not want to run to some place which “won’t be found betimes”[i] anyway! Why should they? Why are you?

I know why I have been running at least. It’s the transitioning phase. I was so scared of the emptiness of each day that passed by. I was so bored out of my mind, I was afraid of living my life without any mind-blowing experience, or in other words in a routine. I was hungry for… for a lot of different things. And most importantly, I was impatient. That’s why I tried to push myself to my limits. And I (almost) did. (I got to admit there is still some room left). Like an amish kid turning on 16 and leaving for the rumspringa, I was hectic yet innocent at the beginning. And at the end of my own rumspringa, I realized I’m fed up with “meeting and passing”[ii]. Instead of running back home scared, I decided to face the facts and find my place in this globally migrant living. I decided to settle down and try to end the phase of transitioning as much as I can. I decided to slow down the flow of my life and learn to do things because I want to, not because of any time restraints or any fear from whatsoever. I decided to accept the consequences before throwing myself into a new journey. If I can’t, I decided to stay back and wait for another journey to lure me in.

Yes, as much as it sounds impossible, I’m going to take things easy. And I recommend those of you who are on the same page with me just to take your time. If something is supposed to happen, it will. You can make things happen right away by rushing, but not the way you want them to be. I know, it’s hard to accomplish but I also know for a fact that you actually can if you really want it!

Beril
05/10/09

P.S.:I think I'm going to date things by the European standards from now on.. (e.g. day/month/year).

[i] Road Trippin by Beril. See http://berilika.blogspot.com/2009/09/road-trippin.html
[ii] “Meeting and Passing” by Robert Frost. See http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/robertfrost/12079#

Rahat Ol (Be cool)

Take a deep breath
Relax
No need to accept your faith
Just be – lax

Your aura needs to be cleaned
That’s what’s causing you a migraine
Take a deep breath, relax
You gotta get into a state of trance

Open your chakras
Yes, each one of the seven
As if you’ve smoked charas[i]
It’s the pass to heaven

Accept the positive energy
That’s been gliding towards you
Inhale it, very deeply
Until you can’t think of anything but you

Feel the tranquility
That’s been smiling at your side
Enjoy your spirituality
Twice a day like the tide

Imagine yourself diving
Oh, the water is so cold!
But it is so refreshing
Don’t miss it, behold
The dancing fish in harmony
You have to get rid of your agony!

Take a deep breath again
And just relax
Everything’s gonna be great
You don’t need to be tense
Let it out – the negativity
Reach your soul and sense!
Let it go – the curiosity
You need to listen to your essence!

Beril
09/8/09

[i] A type of hashish mostly used in India. It has a religious meaning for Hindus.

Recipe

Just want to roll on
Come on let’s move on
Still don’t know how to resist
This feeling just persists
The need and the hunger for love
Physically and mentally
Need it every day, regularly
Right now, just can’t satisfy
Behaving just like a baby.

Don’t close your eyes, babe;
It is not safe,
So much has happened,
Still happening,
Not easy to get over it; not yet.
Ah! You need persuasion and patience!
Don’t forget: you need to forget,
Just do not surrender nor let.

Enjoy the short moments that add up,
Like a tea spoon of honey
Mixed in a cup of tea.
It is the perfect measurement,
Plus or minus point one.
If it’s any more or less,
It is a ruined taste.
Just savor it slowly,
Neither to get burnt nor burnt out,
As it’ll calm your cupidity.
Same recipe with any memory.

Beril
05/4/09

Blessing

Thank you God
For the things you’ve given me,
Thank you God
For the things you’ve taken from me.
I’m grateful for all of it
Trying to enjoy and not to quit.

When I look into my past and my decisions
Those instances where I seemed to be muggings
They are the ones that make me a whole like a puzzle
I thank You once more for all of it,
Because I know that You meant it,
Provided me with the best and the amplest.

Thank you God
For giving me the “atman”
Thank you God
For taking away my power when I’m inhuman.
I’m grateful for all of it
Yet still trying to admit;
The need to carry on
Just for the Good plus the adiaphoron.

Thank you God
For being with me when I need
Thank you God
For vanishing when I’m too dependent.
I’m grateful for all of it
And now I do admit
Both the beauty and the beast
Because I know they cohabit
And that is what makes me believe:
I believe in You.

Beril
03/23/09

À-Lone

Left alone
Am I alone?
You- yourself accompanying yourself
Why do you still mourn?

Running away from sunshine and happiness
Hiding in the shades of an industrial anxiousness
You enjoy feeling this sadness
Don’t tell me you are alone
You- yourself keep company to yourself
Why are you so thrown?

Not ready to take the lead
You just escape your breed
Leaving yourself- you alone
Don’t tell me it wasn’t you
It is you- yourself looking after yourself
It is you- yourself abandoning yourself

You love the smell of your hair
May be even your reflection in air
Confident in yourself and ready to take on the world
You even know you are “some” worth
So don’t tell me you are left alone
It is you- yourself shadowing yourself
Just look into the mirror, see it yourself
See it: You are not à-lone.

Beril
03/22/09

We'll See

I saw it in his eyes.
Did I?
I felt it in my chest,
In my thighs, in my breasts.
Was it just a rush of blood
Or the embracement of mental perfection?
Who knew?
I tried and tried…
Tried so hard until I felt tired and tried.
The trial was over
Or was it going to be over and over?

I saw it in his eyes.
Did I?
Everybody said I was right.
Was I?
Just wanted to close my mind,
Feel the pain and get used to gain,
Gain the trust and the must,
The must was the rule:
Those who shall survive and reproduce;
They rule.

I saw it in his eyes.
Oh I saw what I saw.
It was an open invitation never sent.
I closed the door,
The door to the journey which took too long.
Short episodes of my life were in there
In his eyes
Calling out my body to follow the lead.
Stop asking questions and your soul shall repeat,
Repeat the mistakes and finally get.
Leave it to your body the long forgotten.
Let it be and We’ll see.

Beril
03/15/09