Playkid'ding

To my Jaz

They ask him what he wants
And how he knows that he does.
They ask him how to get
And how he can then forget.

Her answer is very simple:
She wouldn’t be playing around
If she knew what she wanted.
She wouldn’t be fooling around
If she knew what they wanted.

His solution is effortless:
Go for the most obvious!
It's the rule of 3R's:
Renew, reuse, recycle!

Playkid'ding is in her nature
Messing around she has her fun
She wants them all, she gets them all
Because none makes up to one.

Beril
24/02/10

Explanation: The alternation between he and she in each stanza is to point out that the pronoun of the poem is a neutral one; it is refering to both genders. Unfortunately, the third person singular pronoun in english is gender-biased and one solution to overcome this issue is the use of both he and she alternatively.

Lady with blue make-up

Lady with blue make-up
I saw you today
When I came home
With my grocery bags
You were sobbing
I looked at you
I saw your tears today
With a fast reflex
I turned my head away
Why did I do that?

Lady with blue make-up
I tried to convince myself
You needed your space
A lonely corner to cry on
And by ignoring you
I had saved the pitied looks
You wouldn’t be keen on.

Lady with blue make-up
I have to confess that I thought
You were either a drug addict
Or a beggar at my door
And I was so busy with myself
I didn’t want to deal with you and all.

Lady with blue make-up
I’m so sorry for what I did
Or I should say what I didn’t.
I know, I’ve been there before
Looking for some change of luck
With a stranger’s attention
Your cries could turn into a laugh
And that stranger was me
Who has chosen to overlook
I’m so sorry I let you down.

Lady with blue make-up
The least you deserve is a poem
Now please don’t cry.

Beril
23/02/10

Old times' sake

I cried today to my relationship
That ended some time ago;
I believe about a year.
I read old emails full of promises
That were kept only
As long as it lasted.

I cried today to my loneliness
That has been with me;
I believe much more than a year.
During my journey into the past
I realized how much I’ve changed
I don’t know if it’s for the better.

I cried today to my fearfulness
That marks my past, restrains the future.
My fear blinded me and I couldn’t foresee
My heart has closed itself long, long ago;
It was the desires mixing up my love.

I cried today to the old thoughts
You might think I’ve forgotten you
I might have moved on but your thought
Stayed in the back of my mind.
It resurfaces once in a while
Whenever I try new ones to think on.

I cried today,
I whispered to God all day
He replied in my head
He had an answer to everything
Oh, he annoyed me, but I prayed,
Then he stopped responding me
So, I went to the inbox
I read all your old replies
And I cried.
I cried to a future
That was never nearby.

Beril
22/02/10

Quoted Poems: Eating Poetry by Mark Strand

Ink runs from the corners of my mouth.
There is no happiness like mine.
I have been eating poetry.

The librarian does not believe what she sees.
Her eyes are sad
and she walks with her hands in her dress.

The poems are gone.
The light is dim.
The dogs are on the basement stairs and coming up.

Their eyeballs roll,
their blond legs burn like brush.
The poor librarian begins to stamp her feet and weep.

She does not understand.
When I get on my knees and lick her hand,
she screams.

I am a new man.
I snarl at her and bark.
I romp with joy in the bookish dark.

Mark Strand
From Selected Poems by Mark Strand. Copyright © 1979, 1980 by Mark Strand

Dream

You catch my soul by grabbing my hand,
Our bodies in touch, you touch my hair
Your fingers wander on top of my lips
You haul my head, you nibble my tongue
I’m drawn to you oh dear I won’t stop

I dream dream dream
Every day I dream of you
I dream dream dream
This dream is interminable
I dream dream dream
I know I have to rouse
I dream dream dream
Oh but baby, when I do
I dream dream dream
I dream I see you.

You carry me with ease into the room
Or you drag, if it’s the hundredth bloom
When I lie in your brawny arms
It’s one place where nothing harm does
I’m drawn to you oh it’s too late to stop

I dream dream dream
Every night I dream of you
I dream dream dream
Not yet, I can’t let go of you
I dream dream dream
I know I have to wake up
I dream dream dream
Oh but baby, when I do
I dream dream dream
I dream I see you.

You tell worst lies I’ve ever heard
I want to doubt but believe every word
Your breath tickles most intimate spots
You hold me tight, my mind is blown
I’m drawn to you oh baby don’t stop

I dream dream dream
Every day and every night
I dream dream dream
I have you and we’re so hot
I dream dream dream
I know I have to get up
I dream dream dream
Oh but baby, when I do
I dream dream dream
I dream I see you.

Beril
21/02/10

p.s.)Written as lyrics rather than a poem

Love me

O’ my love, hoping wounds
And wishing is the remedy
O’ my God hear my words
May my wish be my hope
That thou could fall in love with me
Through my forlorn poetry
That one day thou would love me
O’ my God, I’m begging thee
May my wish come true
With thee, before I'm through.

Beril
19/02/10

To Dad

Where are you daddy?
I can’t seem to find you
My life turned upside down
Since I was left,
By you.

It’s so cold outside
I’m alone in the house
Your forgotten promise
That you’ll always be there
For me to lean on to
Echoes from the frosty walls
I listen to it and hear
Only my own damn voice.

Where are you daddy?
I’ve been looking for you
In every guy that I met
I expect your affection
That just can’t be met
But I refuse to give up
It just breaks my heart
Each time I face the fact.

I wouldn’t even know
If you were dead or alive
All my madness and pride
Is to fool you, what a huge lie
I’ve already forgiven you
Come back into my life
I’m over here, waiting for you.

Where are you daddy?
What are you afraid of?
Is it beryllium or lithium,
Or should I be mad at iron?
Your daughter is so out there,
By so many she got wrecked
And daddy, she needs you
Only you can protect.

Beril
18/02/10

Gone?

Broken and unrequited
Here I stand
Lost in the shadows of
Remote beams of sun
It’s raining in me
I’m soaked inside out
If the sun shines again,
The rainbow pops up
And I could now make a wish
I’d wish I was gone.
If life still goes on
Even after I’m gone
Life should go on
Now that you are
You gone?

Beril
18/02/10

I was going to take some time off but I learned that I cannot stop what's coming at/to me. I learned that I cannot take time off from myself and that I have to learn to live with myself. And I learned I have to let it all out if I want to think less and act more. This blog is the only place where I have the right to do and say anything and I'm not going to jeopardize the only chance that I have to just be myself.

Time off

I need to take some time off
I know I won’t be sane if I do
I know it’s going to be hard
To block the writer in me,
And to stop enjoying
New visitors with each new poem
I need to take some time off
Because I (don’t) want to.

Beril
16/02/10

What you see

What I read
Persistently
What I wrote
Pathetically
What I think
You are thinking
Reflects a
-my thinking
With whom I think
I’m playing
Echoes a
-my playing
Back and forth
Dip a bit
Go deep in to history
Reluctant but foolhardy
Desperate and so needy
Tired of self all-ready
Why shouldn’t you also be
Forth and back
Guess now
What you would see

Beril
14/02/10

Crush-ed

I have only so much control
Over the passing seconds
In to the mid-night, in to the day
That is yet to come yet
I can’t even reach to
It’s far away getting scattered on
Outer coat of my one crush
And I’m so crushed.

Lots of contingencies
Lots of missed-fortunes
Later I’m too late
Or too early for
Being in one’s demand
That can only last for so long
And I’m so crushed.

Different souls looking for pieces of
No one I can present any of
No, “one” won’t welcome any of
All my love has accumulated
Taking away my piece of
Mind – the gap
In me, inside my soul
And I’m so crushed.

Beril 13/02/10

Inheritance

She inherited all
Her genes, her eyes, her figure
How much of her was she?
She inherited all
Her smile, her moves, her mimics
How much of she was her?
She inherited all
Her desires, her passion, her love
How much of her fate followed hers?
She inherited all
Her karma, her beliefs, her hopes
How much of her followed her fate?
She inherited all
Her fears, her mistakes, her cries
How much of it could she change, IFATALL?

Beril
03/02/10