Saturday, May 28, 2011

Social Networking

picture: Magdalena Giesek Javier Bernal-Arevalo: "THE SOCIAL NETWORK" - Painting Acrylic, 2011

Social Networking

It was one of those days.

She checked facebook to see what the last guy she used to be so in love with was doing. She realized he was visiting London at the moment.

She closed the facebook tab.

She made herself a tea. She needed a distraction.

She tracked down her previous ex’s fiancĂ© on facebook. She looked at their engagement photos. She googled her and found her on twitter. She read all of her twits within the past year. She realized she was perfect for him. She connected to her. She liked her. She felt an urge to be friends with her. She wanted to talk to her – hi, I’m your fiancĂ©s ex girlfriend who he was madly in love with, can we be friends?

She unblocked her ex on facebook. Fight was over; he was engaged.

She closed the facebook tab.

She took a walk with her dog. She needed a distraction.

She checked the last guy’s facebook page again. She saw the pictures he posted 6 hours ago: pictures of him and his friends in London somewhere. She couldn’t tell where they were, except one. They were in Portobello market. She knew those colourful houses pretty well. She looked at his friends – the new people she has met this winter. How small was the world?

She closed the facebook tab.

She washed her face but couldn’t face herself in the mirror. She needed a distraction.

She turned on her other cell-phone. Maybe he sent a text there – hey I’m in town, how have you been – as if nothing had happened, as if they were friends.

She received 3 messages. All from the cell phone carrier – welcome to England.

She turned her phone off. She wished world wasn’t so connected.

She checked her whatsapp. The new guy she liked hasn’t signed on for the past two weeks.

She checked her emails. The other new guy she liked hasn’t replied for the past three weeks.

She checked facebook. She hated herself for stalking and for feeling miserable. She closed the facebook tab.

Beril 28/05/11

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Camera



Camera

“Look over here!” she heard.

He kissed her smile.
She wondered if the feeling of completeness existed. If it did, wouldn’t that be the moment when our life completed? Wouldn’t that be the time to pass over? She did not know the answer but she had never felt this peaceful. The serenity she experienced seemed to be as close as it gets to completeness or at least as close as she has ever been to be complete.
“I want to freeze this moment.”
“Then freeze it.”
She got up and reached for the camera. She laid back down on his chest. She did not need to smile. And click.
“It’s frozen but doesn’t reflect the moment completely. Do you think this is as good as it gets?”
“No. This is as good as it gets”.
He grabbed the camera. He kissed her smile. And click. “You are right. It doesn’t capture it completely.” He put the camera down and stroked her shoulder.
She hugged him, snuggled deeper into his scent, and took a deep breath of him in.
“I don’t want to let go.”
“...”
“Please don’t go.”
“I don’t have to.”
“Yes you do.”
“If you say so.”
“I’m not saying. It is as good as it gets and it is as it is.”
“Not necessarily.”
“How?”
“Believe.”
“I have been!”
“No you haven’t. You just think it is your right to have.”
“Isn’t it?”
“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. It doesn’t matter.”
“What do I do? Do I wait?”
“It’s up to you.”
“I’ve tried to go, it doesn’t work. Do I wait this time?”
“...”
“Don’t go.”
“...”
He kissed her smile and disappeared into thin air.
She realized hoping was different than believing. She prayed.

“Smile!” she heard. She smiled. And click.

Beril 07/05/11