He took her by surprise

She saw him and watched him. She liked his smile, there was something about him. He was surrounded by others, indifferent to the world. She felt invisible at first. How would she get his attention? She wasn’t going to stick around to catch a glimpse of him. No, she was on holiday. She was going to have fun.

She kept pouring them down her throat, drink after drink she began to loosen up. The invisibility cloak she was wearing suddenly came off. She became the centre of attention.  She stopped caring and started enjoying herself.

Then he saw her. He couldn’t stop staring. There was something about his eyes, something about the way he looked, himself and at her. She couldn’t stop gazing at him. She had to get all of her courage together first before inviting him to come closer. And he came.

He came with huge a smile on his face. When he was close enough, she put her arms around him and started kissing him. No words were necessary. It happened so naturally, so beautifully. They danced and kissed late into the night.

In the cab, when she didn’t get off at her stop, he was surprised. She was surprised for him to be so surprised but she liked him then and there. She felt there was more to him than the id.

He was embarrassed to be living far, embarrassed for the state of his place. He was shy around her, didn’t know how to approach her. And she had a realisation when she saw his face in the light for the first time– he was a lot younger than her. When he left the room briefly, she found his wallet and confirmed her suspicions. She felt conflicted. Everything was hazy. She wanted to leave.

He gave her a crystal. He said it was something out of him to her, something pure, and something that would protect her. She still wanted to leave. This wasn’t what she expected. She was on holiday. All she wanted was a good time. His feelings scared her. She was scared of what could happen. She asked for a cab.

He was upset. He called a cab. While they waited in the dark, he lit one up and smoked himself to calmness. Then he let it go. He told her everything: of himself and what he wanted. He wasn’t an immature young boy as she made him out to be. He had been through things enough to know how he felt. He wanted her by his side, it didn’t matter why, how or for how long. He wanted her, pure and simple. The cab arrived but she couldn’t leave. She saw something in him that she knew all along was there. That’s why she was scared but she couldn’t help herself. It was the same trait that was so attractive.

It was intense. It was all so intense. He treated her like a princess. She hadn’t felt this loved in such a long time. She let herself go in his arms and relished his touch.

When the toxins slowly started leaving her body, she cringed and quickly reached for her layers. She had to leave before the light of dawn could lighten his place. She couldn’t bear to face the naked truth. And so she left.

He wanted to see her again the next day but she couldn’t give an answer. She wasn’t herself when she wrote back. She was anxious and paranoid. She trembled and couldn’t focus. Her fingers felt numb, her mouth felt misshapen. She was terrified of losing control. He calmed her, helped her get through it with his soothing words and relaxing music. Her mind was stronger. She listened to the music he sent and she felt the beauty inside her. She calmed down and let herself enjoy the music in the dark.

He wouldn’t give up, not for something special. He wanted to see her again. She struggled to let her guard down. She was realistic and practical. What difference would it all make? He didn’t care. He longed for her face. She kept turning him down until she couldn’t anymore. She had to see him too.

She went to the meeting location early. She was nervous. All she remembered about him was a blur. She had to be the same self when she met him, so she downed the drinks. With every drink, the more confident she became. People noticed her. Everyone wanted a piece of her. She liked the attention.

Then he came. He was the same blur, exactly the way she remembered. How and when didn’t matter. The world was turning. She was far too inebriated this time. He held her. Helped her get through it again. He was reliable. She craved for food. That slice of pizza, that slice that was so urgent, tasted like sunshine. She’s never had anything like it. She loved it. And he loved her for it.

Then music happened. She didn’t know he could play the piano. When they played and sang into the night, she was mesmerised. She wanted a piece of him. She lost herself into the music and into him. She wanted him.

He made her cry. She hadn’t cried in such a long time. She had never felt like this with someone she knew so little about. The emotions were too much. She couldn’t handle it. He couldn’t either. His heart hurt. “Te amo”, he said, “It’s not infatuation, I know.”

He hugged her and kissed her and struggled to let go of her when the time came. She was about to leave and he grabbed her arm, pulled her to himself and kissed and hugged her again. That last kiss was his everything. He gave his all but it was too much for her to take. She knew what it all meant, how he felt and how it made her feel but her guard stopped her from savouring it too deeply. She was scared of this all along, of how he would feel and how he would make her feel. And she left but he never left her. He would keep her close to his heart. Never admitting to it, so would she.

Standing in the airport in London, it almost felt like she never left home. She’d been dreaming this very long and amazing vacation and now the time had run out, the alarm clock woke her up, preparing her to the daily life. Yet there still was that lingering sadness of leaving beauty behind. She listened to his music on her way home and played with the crystal. She had to write down their story. She owed him that much for reminding her that she can feel again.

Everything would have been love. Ahh…that was it. The truth at last. All good things must come to an end, she thought, until next time.

 

Beril 11/3/15