Thought of him

I thought of him today
Just like yesterday and tomorrow
What an endless, gruesome crusade
That I have in me,
What a sorrow.

Is it only me who wonders
Why I can’t stop the chain of thoughts?
Is it only me who questions
Why I'm bored when I dream forever?
Is it only me who inquires
Why I refuse his significance?

“Pretend, you little girl”, I said,
“You know that might be helpful”.
It’s been uttered by antecedent
Recipe to overcome sadness.

Thought of him couldn’t get any better
So sweet nevertheless very bitter
Like a polish wearing off daily
My soul fading away bit by bit,
I am in my little chamber
Oh, a constant wait to fly away!
But I’m caught, I linger
Oh, time won’t take me away!

It’s hard, it’s devastating, it’s cruel
Leaving behind is always painful
I deny and I’ll deny till the last word
Nothing I experience or feel
Will be lasting or special
It’s a dear thing I have tasted
Nothing more? No, nothing more.

I’ll deny till the last moment,
I'll throw out any opponent,
I’ll avoid my heart’s rebellion:
Nothing more? No, nothing more.

Beril
09/10/09